Murder He Wrote: How to Murder a Conversation

I like a good murder mystery; a well-developed fictional story with a murder plot and lots of unexpected twists and turns.

As I have been pondering the topic over the past couple of weeks, I am thinking about the mysterious demise of Mr. Conversation.  He’s been bludgeoned, poisoned, and starved to death in living rooms, conference rooms, and bedrooms.  He’s died on the phone and in front of witnesses. And if all the suspects were to be arrested, you and I might be behind bars today.

I have used all three of those previously mentioned murder weapons.

Bludgeoning: This is a totally one-sided conversation.  As a preacher/writer accustomed to 30 minute uninterrupted monologues or 500 word uninterrupted newspaper columns, it is not surprising that I might need to give some intentional focus to being able to carry on a good conversation.  Mrs. Sweetie has been sitting in church pews listening to me preach for 29 years.  Amazingly enough, she is not interested in hearing a sermon at home.  In Vancouver last month, we visited with a church planter who is starting a church on the campus of the Universityof British Columbia.  He teaches his students the 20-20 rule for conversations.  Talk 20 seconds about yourself and let the other person talk for 20 minutes about herself. If we take that approach, the conversation has a great chance of balancing out.

Poisoning: This is allowing toxic substances to overwhelm a conversation; substances like gossip, criticism, humiliation, and whining.  “How are you,” is a bad question to ask a toxic conversationalist because you are going to walk away feeling worse than when it started.

Starvation: This is when we allow outside distractions to steal the conversational opportunities before us.  When our TV show or the work we brought home consume our entire evening, we run the risk of conversation starvation.  When we spend the entire mealtime answering phone calls and text messages rather than engaging with our dining companions, starvation is setting in.

The phrase “encourage one another” appears three times in the New Testament (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 3:13, Hebrews 10:25).  I am not aware of a more effective way of doing that than by healthy conversation.  Our lives matter to God and should matter to each other.

Last week I invited you to conversation with me, especially in response to what you read in this blog or its newspaper column form.  Before I mention a couple of opportunities, let me encourage you to carefully consider engagement with content that comes to you through an intermediary source.  If you read something in a newspaper or magazine that blesses you, let them know.  If you appreciate a guest columnist or blogger, let the host know.  They often get bludgeoned.  Some encouraging conversation directed toward them would be a welcome respite.

Now, some quick ways to converse with me:  

1. You can email me with your questions or comments by using the "Contact Me" formto the right. 

2. To get a conversation started around something you read in this blog, you can post a comment below.  

3. My Facebook ministry page is www.facebook.com/thatllpreach. 

4. Follow me on twitter @harvestdom.  I’d love to hear from you. 

Now for the question of the week:  What is the number one thing you can do this week to contribute to healthy conversations?