Murder He Wrote: How to Murder a Conversation

I like a good murder mystery; a well-developed fictional story with a murder plot and lots of unexpected twists and turns.

As I have been pondering the topic over the past couple of weeks, I am thinking about the mysterious demise of Mr. Conversation.  He’s been bludgeoned, poisoned, and starved to death in living rooms, conference rooms, and bedrooms.  He’s died on the phone and in front of witnesses. And if all the suspects were to be arrested, you and I might be behind bars today.

I have used all three of those previously mentioned murder weapons.

Bludgeoning: This is a totally one-sided conversation.  As a preacher/writer accustomed to 30 minute uninterrupted monologues or 500 word uninterrupted newspaper columns, it is not surprising that I might need to give some intentional focus to being able to carry on a good conversation.  Mrs. Sweetie has been sitting in church pews listening to me preach for 29 years.  Amazingly enough, she is not interested in hearing a sermon at home.  In Vancouver last month, we visited with a church planter who is starting a church on the campus of the Universityof British Columbia.  He teaches his students the 20-20 rule for conversations.  Talk 20 seconds about yourself and let the other person talk for 20 minutes about herself. If we take that approach, the conversation has a great chance of balancing out.

Poisoning: This is allowing toxic substances to overwhelm a conversation; substances like gossip, criticism, humiliation, and whining.  “How are you,” is a bad question to ask a toxic conversationalist because you are going to walk away feeling worse than when it started.

Starvation: This is when we allow outside distractions to steal the conversational opportunities before us.  When our TV show or the work we brought home consume our entire evening, we run the risk of conversation starvation.  When we spend the entire mealtime answering phone calls and text messages rather than engaging with our dining companions, starvation is setting in.

The phrase “encourage one another” appears three times in the New Testament (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 3:13, Hebrews 10:25).  I am not aware of a more effective way of doing that than by healthy conversation.  Our lives matter to God and should matter to each other.

Last week I invited you to conversation with me, especially in response to what you read in this blog or its newspaper column form.  Before I mention a couple of opportunities, let me encourage you to carefully consider engagement with content that comes to you through an intermediary source.  If you read something in a newspaper or magazine that blesses you, let them know.  If you appreciate a guest columnist or blogger, let the host know.  They often get bludgeoned.  Some encouraging conversation directed toward them would be a welcome respite.

Now, some quick ways to converse with me:  

1. You can email me with your questions or comments by using the "Contact Me" formto the right. 

2. To get a conversation started around something you read in this blog, you can post a comment below.  

3. My Facebook ministry page is www.facebook.com/thatllpreach. 

4. Follow me on twitter @harvestdom.  I’d love to hear from you. 

Now for the question of the week:  What is the number one thing you can do this week to contribute to healthy conversations?

Talk to Me ... I Mean It

I started writing Life Matters in 1996.  Back then, it was an opportunity to use relatively new technology (email) to share some encouraging thoughts with members of my congregation at Eagle Mountain Baptist Church, where I was pastor from 1991 to 2008.  As more friends and family members started using email and as church members found the dreaded “forward” button, the subscriber list expanded.  (Now, if I see the letters “Fwd”, I think it is an abbreviation for “Delete”).

Over the years, I occasionally would receive a short email response where someone would tell me they enjoyed what I wrote or they had a question about something I said.  Sometimes there would even be a few emails exchanged (almost like a conversation).  I loved the interaction, so when I re-launched Life Matters as a blog in 2009, I was hoping for a more interactive experience with my readers, but I still really didn’t know how to write in a way that made people want to respond (other than shaking their heads).  Admittedly, I’m still working on that.

A new door and chapter opened in 2011, when Life Matters began appearing as a weekly newspaper column. Talk about embracing new technology!  As of this week, I believe the past 130 or so editions have appeared in a local newspaper somewhere.  Even with all the technology that exists, I know for a fact that more people read my thoughts with an actual newspaper in their hands than they do sitting in front of a computer screen.  I am incredibly blessed and humbled by the opportunity to invest myself in the lives of local folks through that medium and hope the opportunity lasts for years to come.

But, I still crave interaction.  As a writer and as a preacher, I am accustomed to casting my words out for consumption and contemplation.  I hope to sometimes make you smile, sometimes make you laugh, sometimes make you think, and sometimes touch you deeply.   Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”  When I tell you that your life matters to God, I hope you believe it.  I also hope my words inspire you in some way to think about, and maybe even talk about, life in a new light.

That talking is what I want to invite you to this week.  I run into people all the time who tell me they enjoy reading my newspaper column.  I love that, but I don’t just want to know you enjoyed it.  I’d love to know how it made you think or how you apply it to your life.  I’d love to hear you expand on my thoughts and I’d love to learn from you.  Romans 15:14 says, “I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another.”

Please leave me a comment below.  I can't wait to talk with you and not just to you.  More information about conversation coming next week.

While We're Eating, Let's Talk Death

I wrote this blog last week from a hotel room in Nashville, TN, where I was attending a conference for Church Consultants.  On Sunday morning, I worshiped with  The Donelson Fellowship.  It was actually a church I had wanted to visit for several years, since reading a couple of books written by their pastor, Robert Morgan. 

It was a great experience from the moment we drove onto the parking lot.  We donned our “church consultant lenses” and noticed great directional signage, a friendly and helpful parking lot greeter, more friendly and helpful greeters inside the door, and an inviting and welcoming atmosphere. 

During the pastor’s excellent sermon, he referenced a recent trend among Baby Boomers to get together over dinner and talk about death and dying.  These “Death Dinners”, according to a Bloomberg news article from a few weeks ago, are trending in New York, but were inspired by a group of master’s degree students and faculty at the University of Washington.  Their program, “Let’s Have Dinner and Talk About Death,” offers “talking points, reading material on death, and how to word a death dinner invitation. Since starting last month, about 400 people have signed up to host dinners, the group said.”

I regularly listen to a podcast called “This is Your Life” by Michael Hyatt.  His most recent blog and podcast topic dealt with tips for having better dinner conversations.  I can’t remember, “Would you rather be buried or cremated?” being one of his suggested questions.

However, as I read through the Bloomberg article online, it kind of made sense.  It seems a little creepy to have a “death” conversation when everyone is healthy, but that really is the point.  Medical technology, nutrition, and simply a better standard of living have increased our life expectancy and we have innumerable resources to help us prepare to live well.  I like to think of this blog as one of those resources.  But, how do we prepare to die well?

Death is often seen as the great Interloper, the uninvited destroyer of dreams and fearful heart breaker.  I think it is possible, rather, to view death as a commencement exercise or even a birthing chamber into life at its fullest.  But just talking about death and funeral arrangements won’t help us make that shift.  A will, medical power of attorney, or other advanced directives are helpful and advisable, but still do not transform our mental models of death and dying.

The fearfulness of a closed door is mitigated when we know what is on the other side. Jesus said, “All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.” (John 6:37) Our lives matter so much to God that He wants us to enter the next reality with assurance.  That assurance comes by knowing Him personally in this reality.

Now about that “Death Dinner” – home cooked or carry-out?

God Came Near

Note: Due to current work and travel schedule, this week's Life Matters is an "encore" edition from January, 2007 (pre-blog/newspaper column days) with slight editing. I think it is still relevant.  Hope you think so, too. - G.L.

Do you ever think of a witty and clever response about 30 minutes too late?  Do you envy those quick-witted folks who seem to have a response without having to think about it?  Favorite son has always been one of those.  When he was a young teenager, we were in a restaurant waiting for the waitperson (note the politically correct, non-gender-specific terminology) to take our order. My boy was constantly jabbering—but in such a low volume that the cacophony of voices and rattle of dishes in the restaurant made it difficult to understand.  Mrs. Sweetie finally asked, “What did you say?”  “Oh, I was just talking to myself,” he replied.  She responded, “Well, are you answering yourself?”  Without a moment’s hesitation he demonstrated that we were in the presence of wit-greatness.  “No,” he said, “I’m not feeling very talkative tonight.”  At this point I contributed to the conversation with guffaws and snorts.  It reminded me a little bit of the hand-lettered message favorite daughter once had on her bedroom door—“I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed.”

One of the perplexities of life is that it sometimes seems that God is not feeling very talkative.  Now I’m not talking about hearing God speak out loud.  Most Christ-followers have never heard God audibly, but they have “heard” Him speak in other ways.

But, God can seem un-talkative when you read and read the Bible, but nothing seems to touch your heart and you pray and pray, but you feel no connection with God. I’m talking about when the circumstances of life make no sense and there are no words that make it any better.

In my years as a pastor I often had the occasion of conducting a funeral service for someone that spent most of his life making really poor choices.  In those times I wondered what to say.  What words could reframe this circumstance for a devastated family?  God seemed irritatingly un-talkative.

When there is another natural disaster or another terrorist attack somewhere in the world, what can we say that helps put it in perspective?  How can people of faith speak to the watching and listening world without seeming trite and rehearsed?  God seems irritatingly un-talkative.

Then I remember that God has spoken through sending One who was called Emmanuel—which means “God with us” (Matthew 1:23).  When God seems irritatingly un-talkative, we must remember that Jesus was God’s visible reminder that He is with us.  He constantly reaches out to us.  He is the God who comes near.

When my kids were babies they would sometimes wake up and cry in the night.  They did not need someone to come and explain to them why they should not cry. They needed a big someone to come and pick them up and hold them close and let them know they were not alone.

God may seem irritatingly un-talkative, but He hasn’t gone away.  Our lives matter and He is with us.  

This Is a Big Ol' Shower!

This time a year ago Mrs. Sweetie and I were right in the middle of the major renovation at our house that came to be known as the “Sweetie Suite”.  When the tile guy came in to do the shower he said that it may not have been the biggest one he had ever done, but it ranked right up there.  If we were the kind of people who did group showers, we could have some kind of party in there.

Now, while you try to get that image out of your head, let me tell you about another big ol’ shower.  This one is a baby shower and you are invited.  No, I am not using the forum to announce that I am about to be Dr. Grandpa (though that could happen at some time).  This one is a county-wide, week-long baby shower for a ministry I believe in and am happy to support.  (Note to readers outside Wise County:  Don’t stop reading.  I still have something for you at the end.)

Wise Choices Pregnancy Resource Center (www.mywisechoices.com) is an amazing ministry doing a great job saving and changing lives in this part of the world.  There are tons of statistics that I could share, but here are some highlights:  In 2012, they served 1176 clients, presented the gospel 321 times and had 59 professions of faith at the center. Also, 83% of abortion minded women changed their minds and carried the baby to term due to their efforts. It is also important to know that they are not just pro-birth, they are pro-life.  They care about and minister to the women and men who are involved and meet each one with grace and compassion.

Sycamore Baptist Church has organized this baby shower to be conducted October 6-13.  The items to be collected are: Diapers, Baby Wipes, Wal-Mart Gift Cards, and Financial contributions.  To keep Wise Choices from having to sort through the donations during the week, several local businesses have agreed to serve as drop-off locations.  To see a list of those, please go to www.sycamoredecatur.com/babyshower.  I want to use this forum this week to ask Wise County residents to make this The Biggest Ol’ Shower You’ve Ever Seen.

Now, I know that all my readers don’t live in Wise County.  I have been blessed to work with a number of Pregnancy Resource Centers over the past twenty years. Let me encourage you to find a Pregnancy Resource Center in your area and find out what their needs are and how you can bless them.  Don’t wait for someone else to organize something. In the Azle area, you can find the Eagle Mountain Pregnancy Help Center (www.emphc.org).  I am also a supporter of the Bowie Pregnancy Resource Center (www.myprc.org).

I know this column is a departure from what I normally write, but not from my foundational believe that every life matters to God.

Let’s make this a Big Ol’ Life Matters Party!

Ain't it Purty!

Two weeks ago, as I was preparing to leave for Vancouver, my neighbor asked me if I could bring some Vancouver weather home.  I told him I would do my best, unless they wouldn’t let me bring it through customs.

I’m sitting on my back porch this morning and the thermometer says it is 56 degrees. Not that I am taking any credit, but you could call me the neighborhood hero. You would be wrong, but you could call me that.

As I wrote last week’s column on my iPhone (I am not repeating that process this week), we were waiting for a ferry to Victoria Island.  We spent a wonderful afternoon in Butchart Gardens, one of the most intentionally beautiful places we have ever visited. Intentional beauty is not better or worse than the natural beauty we have seen in some of our travels (Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, Smoky Mountains), it is just different.  I think one of the mistakes we make in life is comparing, rather than appreciating, beauty.

Beauty arrives for us through all of our senses.  We hear music, smell blossoms, see sunsets, taste some good home cooking, feel the coolness of a morning at the close of a blistering summer. And then somehow we decide that our favorite music or food or view is better than others and we crave the sensations that stimulate our senses, rather than craving fellowship with the Creator of all beauty.

Vancouver is a place of varied beauty.  Three million people live there.  One million of them were not born in Canada.  300,000 of them are post-secondary students.  Over 120 languages are spoken on the campus of the University of British Columbia.  The religious background is varied.  On a road often referred to as the “Highway to Heaven” in the suburb of Richmond, I saw a Buddhist temple, a Muslim Mosque, a Sikh Temple, a Christian Church, a Mennonite Church, and several others that I had never heard of.  Less than 6% of the population identify themselves as Christian.  The vast majority would identify themselves as having no religious heritage or preference.

That is hard for us to imagine here in the buckle of the Bible belt. We would also find it hard to imagine that, of the 80 churches in the West Coast Baptist Association of British Columbia, only 10 of them own a building.  The rest are meeting in apartment complexes, hotel banquet rooms, store fronts, basements … wherever they can find a place. 

Why do they bother?  Because there are so many who live in that beautiful place who need to know the Author of beauty.  It is the same reason that we have churches here.  When we only recognize beauty, but not its Source, we are much the poorer for it.  And in that poverty, we focus on preferences and comparisons.  My life, your life, every life matters to God.  He created beautiful things.  He created the whole concept of beauty.

Ain’t it purty!

The Great Adventure

(Note: This is last week's blog that I failed to upload while I was limiting my data roaming usage)

Well, this is a new one.

 

I'm typing this week's blog on my iPhone sitting in my car waiting in line for a ferry to take us across to Victoria Island in British Columbia.

 

We've already had one adventure today as my GPS phone app sent us on a circuitous route through various Vancouver suburbs to get to the ferry terminal. After 45 minutes of driving, we found ourselves about a mile from our hotel. Where we started. 45 minutes earlier. But, as I kept telling Mrs Sweetie, "It's all good."

 

And it is. Really. We are in a beautiful part of the world. We are together. And for the next 52 hours or so we can do whatever tickles our fancy. And when that 52 hours is up, we will join a group that will spend two days traveling around the Vancouver area being inspired and challenged by what God is doing through new church starts in the West Coast Baptist Association. Not a bad way to spend a week in September.

 

A few years back, Christian singer/songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman released a CD with the title song "The Great Adventure."  Some of the lyrics:

 

"Saddle up your horses; we've got a trail to blaze through the wild blue yonder of God's amazing grace. Let's follow our Leader into the glorious unknown. This is life like no other. This is the great adventure."

 

Another few lines: "Come on! Get ready for the ride of your life. We're gonna leave long-faced religion in a cloud of dust behind."

 

That was a catchy, uptempo song with a message that connected with a lot of folks. I was one of them. In fact, it connected enough with me that I just quoted all those words from memory. As most people who know me will tell you, I am always up for an adventure.

 

But the whole "life is an adventure thing" can be frustrating at times. We prefer that our adventures be mapped out, organized, and "agenda-ized". We want to plan our work and work our plan.  After all, that's what effective people do, right?

 

Of course that's right. Planning is good and living with intentionality is always more effective than living haphazardly. But sometimes life happens unexpectedly and you have to decide how you are going to respond. Are you going to be "long-faced" and move ahead out of a sense of duty or are you going to charge ahead with a sense of anticipation? Will you see unexpected curves in the road as a sign that God is messing with your carefully laid plans or  you see them as evidence that God wants you to join Him on a grand adventure?

 

We all deal with enough long faces in religion, politics, and life in general. I choose not to add to it.

Let's saddle up!